whisper to me that everything will be okay

like it or not, we are moving.  i might just be in total denial.  yet, it is really happening.  the truck really will come.  we will be moving.

sigh.

and like it or not, i will have new waters to navigate.  depending on the day (hour? minute?) i feel excited.  or bummed out.  or nervous.  i don't exactly do change well.  when we moved out here, in the months leading up to the move, and then after the move i had a constant eye twitch.  like, for six whole months.  the day the truck came, i literally had moments where i forgot to breathe.

but this is really happening.  and i need to embrace it with grace.

and the house hunt.  finding the perfect rental.  that needs to happen with grace.

and if i am being really honest, i haven't been so graceful.  the *perfect* house came on to the rental market and then had a contract pending before i ever saw it.  i have been completely bummed out.  how could i have missed it?  why did we miss it?  does God even care?  i mean, there are big things out there that God surely is worrying about?  my house hunt... i am being picky.  hasn't He lost patience with this one?

sigh.

and then, my favorite yoga instructor, posted a beautiful paragraph or two about change and contentedness.  i wanted to write back, tell her i needed her to go everywhere with me and whisper that to me everyday for the next two months.

and then it hit me.  i already have someone who can whisper these things to me.  that is present through all of my days.  He can move mountains.  He is master of the universe.

so i will inhale.  and exhale.  and keep alert.  i will trust that we will be exactly where we need to be.  have i not seen such faithfulness before?  i have.  have i not been well taken care of?  indeed, i have.

and so i work to shift.  shift from scarcity to abundance.  from fear to faith.  

by the way... i still have 14,398 unrelated photos to share.  okay? thanks.

xoxo, s

and p.s.  can you please take 1 quick minute to pray over where we will live?  i simply feel quite out of control with it.

authenticity and my recommendation on how to clean your face

sometimes this space on the internet has been a reminder that i don't want to make myself vulnerable.  i desperately don't want to piss people off.  i want to make people feel loved, feel comfortable, feel kindness.

family beach hike...

but that doesn't happen when truth isn't spoken.

and i feel like the only truth i feel comfortable in speaking are my own personal truths... the ones that say, i am lonely.  or i am sad.  or i am so excited i might burst.

but what about other things?  what about me saying i want you to watch a documentary on a controversial issue because it impacted me?  what if i inadvertently imply that i don't agree with you?

you know what?  i have decided that is okay.  really, really, okay.

i think its okay that i am not everyone's flavor of ice cream.  i hate controversy, but simply can't help it anymore.  i have opinions.  i want to share my heart.

i know my opinions aren't blanket statements.  i know there are circumstances beyond control.  i know there are exceptions.  please be graceful with me.

making spring bunnies at our neighbor's house with her nieces

if i say you've just got to use a clarisonic to wash your face because it really will change your life, please, realize, i know that someone teetering on the edge of poverty isn't going to and shouldn't clarisonic their face.  and someone shouldn't go into debt to clarisonic her face.  but if you have have the means to, by golly.  why are you using a rag?  its my personal opinion.  i am allowed to have one.

i can't help it.

i really get it.   you don't HAVE to use one.  we can still be friends. 

but really.  i need an outlet.  this is it.   

so... just warning you.  i won't censor myself.  this might spill over into breastfeeding.  or homeschooling.  or submitting to your husband and taking care of your family.

i can't promise that i can keep my posts clear of my thoughts.  and ultimately, i think that's why i have dwindled down.

ethan's coveted lego gift from santa

a handmade christmas tree while our ornaments were in storage

i also have a lot of pictures of our socal life to post. i mean, i didn't even post christmas or birthdays.  random photos galore. ;)

bringing the blog back

inhale.  exhale.

i'm adding the blog back into my world.  it's been too long.  except i don't know where to start.  so i am just going to the pool instead.

p r o c r a s t i n a t e

maybe i will post again soon.  with substance. 

but you know i still exist because you follow me on instagram, right? 

xoxo, s