june is hard, but life is good

for the record:  none of the pictures go with the words.  okay, now that is cleared up:

i almost published a post yesterday.  it was in the quiet spaces of a quick catnap from ethan and savannah's normal afternoon nap.  it has been weeks upon weeks of zero daytime quiet.


and yesterday i had some.  it was gone in a flash, but nonetheless, was welcome.  the real message here is that i need to find my quiet daytime moments at sunrise.  hard truth.   

the start of the summer is hard for me.  there is a constant need for me.  my family needs me.  chores need me.  i am not even doing that great of a job at fulfilling their needs, and i feel depleted.  everyday.  somedays, i feel like i have really lost my brain.  other days i feel like i survived, but not thrived.  god has shown me how selfish i am.  very.

surely i am not the only mother that feels depleted by the end of may, only to realize that those were the easy days, and that june might do me in?  yes?  anyone out there??  because sometimes it seems like everyone else has it together.  and i am not talking about the folks who have their kids in a bunch of camps.  there is a string of hours in there which they can attempt to get it together.  me?  nah.  not together at all.

unless my husband is here, the kids want me to be their audience.  like, follow me into each room and demand attention.

i have to say that i DO love staying home with them.  and they are the MOST WONDERFUL part of my life.  and they are healthy and funny and silly and affectionate.  i am blessed.  that is not lost on me.  i just don't have my mother-act together.  i get selfish.  tired.  uptight.  impatient.  i want my best self to shine through and half the time i can't find it.

anyway, not to be all doom and gloom, the kids have been adorable and lovely at times.  ethan came in from vbs today and told his sister that he learned about caring and that he cared about her.  i was in the other room, so none of it was for show.  it was really sweet.

and savannah has been doing this thing lately where she'll say, "mommy, thank you for _____.  it makes me so happy!"

pretty stinkin' adorable.

and for every moment that there is whining and tears, there are others where there is complete harmony.

and for record keeping's sake, savannah has gotten two molars in.  it has made for some fun bedtimes.  or rather protests to bedtimes.  faustino and i have looked at each other several times, over an hour after she was put to bed, and we think, "really??"

also, savannah's big deal lately is telling me that she needs to go potty.  and she might.  or she might need to an hour later.  but she wants me in there with her.  for real.  and when you have a child screaming, "mom-meeeee!  i need to go po-teeeeeeee!" you have to listen.  and sit.  and try panties.  and clean t.t. puddles.

i bet you are jealous, right?  the toilet training stage is not my favorite.  but is it anybody's favorite??  i can think of a couple people.  i am going to think that they are liars.  :)

in other news, i am still plugging away with the paleo thing.  cheating here and there.  but being mostly good.  i cheat with wine.  yesterday i cheated with cheese.  i am making pesto tonight and i will be adding the parmesan cheese.  and wine.  see the third paragraph for reasons why :)

and a few dinners out.  dinners we were invited to.  not ones we initiated.   

okay.  so maybe i sound like a big cheater.  really, i am not.

i would say that eating this way has cleaned up my act.  and i would encourage anyone to eat this way.  it is healthier.  keep dairy if you want to, but treat sugar, grains, and processed foods as treats.  things you eat on occasion.  i am not going to say that it has caused me to lose a bunch of weight {only a few lbs} or has made me feel like super woman {although, i haven't felt bad at all} but it just makes sense to me.  lots of vegetables.  lean meats.  fruit.  nuts.  it seems absurd to really argue with it.

and i think this year i have made the best use of our garden harvest.  fresh tomatoes.  zucchini chips!  lots of sauteed squash.  now i just need to do a better job with the venison.  speaking of the garden,  it is so dry and crispy out, i cringe when i have to go water the garden.  i am hoping that if i can keep it alive i can enjoy it some in the fall.  there is an entire row empty and ready after we harvested {nearly 30 lbs!} of potatoes.  i think i might just plant a bunch of sunflowers.  suggestions??

and completely unrelated:  my dear friend sabrina snapped photos of my rascals and worked her magic last week.  she was able to make both of them smile at the same time without buying them toys or candy.  i need to learn her tricks, huh?

and one more thing, i am liking the whole instagram thing.  you can follow me there @blessourlittlenest.  are you on instagram?  if so, let me know and i will follow you back.  its nice to grab some snapshots of the day-to-day and share them.  and see what other people's day-to-day look like.  you know, when i am sitting in the bathroom for an hour with a potty training toddler.  :)

xoxo, s

 

paleo and oklahoma... and now you are up to speed

this week started swim lessons.  i purposefully signed up at 10:00... but am quasi-regretting that decision.  it is smack in the middle of the best part of the day with the kids.  no morning zoo.  or museum.  or playdates.  the kids work really hard at the lesson, then we change clothes, maybe run a quick errand and then we have to get home so that they can have their exhausted meltdowns in the privacy of our home and then savannah can nap.

i have seen ethan give me some tired fits several times this week.  but all is worth it when i see him swimming.  all by himself.  making it look easy peasy and NO TEARS THIS YEAR.  wozzers.  that is a treat.

savannah gets a little hesitant at times, but really, she loves it.  the teacher tells me she has great breath control and she likes to float on her back.   different children, indeed.

the "everyday-ness" of it wears on me, but oh well.  small price to pay to turn your kids into swimmers.  {well, i wouldn't really say, small price, literally.  you get the idea.  arm. leg.}

and we celebrated the first day with ice cream from braum's.  i'm a briber.  and the saddest part of that bribe:  i couldn't participate in the ice cream treat.

because on monday, i went paleo for a month.  no grains.  no legumes.  no sugar of any kind, even artificial.  no dairy.  no alcohol.

i know.  its super trendy.  and super restrictive.  and just not much fun at all.  so far, i am cranky.  i can't put cream and sugar in my coffee.  so instead i drink unsweet tea.  i am dying for cheese or yogurt of some sort.

i would kill for some bread and butter.  and a pizza from mama's

why so restrictive?  well... i don't do well with limiting myself.  i don't do well with the whole i'll-eat-healthy-mostly-but-cheat-occasionally.

i end up cheating all the time.

and limits?  nah, not me.  i could eat a whole pizza if i let myself.

now luckily, this hasn't really caught up with me yet.  i still fit in my clothes.  i just... need to get a handle on how i eat.  what i eat.

because when you know better, you do better.  and i know better. 

so what prompted my diet?  a week of a well stocked kitchen on vacation.  and probably adding on a few extra pounds.

and the story of stocking the kitchen begins with a bit of a life lesson for me.  the weekend before we left, while the boys were camping, my MIL and i were going to go to the store to buy food for the trip.  costco and central market.  and then, i also needed to stop by target and get cat food.

what do you know but my plans got a bit wonky on saturday night when we went to costco and they closed at 6:00.  6:00!  i mean, the audacity!  we arrived at 5 past 6 o'clock.  i was irritated.  all was not lost however.  we went to central market, did our shopping.  sampled the fare.  grabbed to-go.

food bliss.

then the next morning we finished up at costco.  however, we wanted to buy some adult beverages.  and it was sunday.  and here in texas, no one can sell alcohol before noon on sunday.  i again was majorly irritated that costco closed at 6:00 the night before... the whole reason for our inefficiency!  we decided to run next door to target... i did have to get cat food, and then we could circle back to costco and i could just quickly run in and finish our purchase.

remember, i am learning the lesson that god's plan is beautiful. 

well, sue was driving through target's parking lot, and said to me -- "stephanie, jump out and see if that piece of paper is a dollar bill."

well, that piece of paper was a hundred dollar bill.  and then there was another one.  and no one in the parking lot, looking, searching.  just 2 crisp, folded, $100 bills.  finders keepers when there is cash involved in a big empty space and not a single soul around to stake claim.  it wasn't even near a car.  they were both on two separate aisles of the parking lot.  in the very center.  set out for us. 

perhaps one could say this was a coincidence.  but i see the lord's hand.  his path.  not my own.  especially when i feel like i was so damn headstrong about my plans.  my plans are no good.

but on to vacation.  we went to broken bow, oklahoma.  or okiehoma as savannah says.  it was a good time for us.  faustino could fly-fish.  we could do light nature walks.  observe the wildlife.  fight the bugs.  enjoy our cabin.  go out on the lake...

i certainly enjoyed our cabin.  a tempurpedic, king sized matress. {vs. our 15+ year old, full size one} beautiful sunlight streaming in the main room, and a large porch.  ahhh....

and a place for a campfire.  and s'mores for the kids.  s'mores are not my thing.  but these four days of paleo have my mouth watering for a s'more.

and nature... my personal highlight was watching my husband fly-fish for trout and then out comes a river otter, who catches a few trout and then swims back to his home.  and the dragon flies.  and the noise the water makes against the rocks.  truly beautiful.

i wish we could go up there and stay all summer.  but i would be more vigilant with my use of bug spray.  my body is healing 60 chigger bites.  and i would take more pictures.  and i would have sabrina come take our family photos... since i am dreaming and everything :)

xoxo, s  



    

savannah the brave

we went on vacation last week... did you miss me? :)  i have lots to say, but let me just tell you this little story first.

last night i noticed something on savannah's eyelid, in between her lashes.  i thought it was a scab of some sort... i debated on whether or not to bother my husband with a "come look at this and tell me question"

i sort of ask those a lot.   i mean, wouldn't you if you had a physician in the house?  i am sure it drives him crazy.  he always tells me if i think something is really wrong i should go to my doctor.

and then there are the times where he springs into action.

last night was a spring into action moment.

my little stinker, savannah, somehow managed to host a tick among her eyelashes!  we just wrapped up a week of the great outdoors in the hills of oklahoma, {pictures to follow soon, i swear} and i am quite certain she picked it up on our vacation. 

my husband pulled it out with hemostats while i held her on the couch.  she was so brave.  i was a nervous wreck. {i kept thinking about the hemostats poking her eyeball out.  it made me feel queasy.}  and it makes me want to see my husband in action in the OR.  wow.  he was so calm.  precise.  confident.   

and it probably saved us a bundle to skip the emergency room route.  not to mention how scary it might have been for her.  sheesh.  and would that doctor have been as amazing as the one here at home?  hmmm... methinks not.  :)

my little girl is brave.  my husband is talented.  my heart is full.  now let's hope we don't have a "bulls-eye rash" on her eyelid... 

xoxo, s