full heart

this past thursday we went to the arboretum for the second week in a row.  i'll include pictures from both times... it is an easy drive... i would like to go back a few more times with the kids while it is still fall and all the pumpkins are there.  i feel like i am so late to the party, but wow.  we should have been doing this all along.

between visit 1 and 2 we talked a lot about chihuly and his sculpture {it is on display until early november.}  we watched youtube videos.  and this next week we will paint inspired designs.  so enjoy a few of the photos, all jumbled and out of order.  and the post that has nothing to do with them.  :)

friday i was at an estate sale, where i happened to score $16 worth of treasure:  a vintage children's cookbook, a bag of polished rocks, a lovely embroidered tea towel, and the entire bbc planet earth series, still in shrinkwrap.  it was a total score.  especially since it isn't the season for me to score big things.  like furniture.  :(

but while i was there, a woman working the sale commented on the kind of customers attend their sale, and to illustrate her point that the customer based was varied, she said that there were people that could come on friday morning who didn't work.

now, i don't want to ignite a battle of working mom's verses stay at home mom's... but i did look at the lady and very pointedly told her that my children were in preschool, and that they are indeed a full time job.

to which she basically said that was bologna.

and i bit my tongue, as not to cuss.

you see, the two mornings a week where both my nuggets are in school for three hours work out to a total of 5 hours of time for me.  a week.  {i subtract out the 15 minute drop off and pick up circus} two and one half precious hours twice a week.  where i am sure my children are safe, cared for, attended to, and their minds stimulated.

parenting is a full time job, working or staying at home.  but the working mother must hire someone, or ensure that there is a caretaker.   my role is one that can not go unfilled.

it is my pleasure.  it is my sacrifice.  it is my god's loving way of teaching me my sinful, selfish ways.

there are very fun days.  there are very hard days.

but i wanted to tell that unfortunate woman who works for the estate sale company, it is quite a busy, full time job.  especially if you are engaged in the needs of your children.  quite simply put, my children need me.  they need me now more than ever, it seems.

they want me fully.  play with me.  PLAY with me.  dance, mommy.  why don't we see the sun at night?  what does that sign say?  i see an 'S'!  why does the man next door have so many cats?  why do the cats use the bathroom in our yard?  can i have another fire truck for my birthday?  i took my shoes off!!  put my jacket on please.  i want more MILK, please!

you get the point.

 
but do you know how full it makes me feel?  how wonderful it is to fully engage with them?  how madly and deeply i love them and how remarkable it is to play their annoying music in the car and listen to them enjoy singing those songs?

and when savannah naps and i pull myself away from trying to clean the very messy home we live in, and i spend that time with ethan... reading to him.  having him read to me.

they are full, FULL moments.  

however, i need to find a way to come here more.  to my little place on the internet that clears my head.  but i feel pulled.  needed.

and if it isn't the kids, it is the house.  or a dozen other things on my list.

or i am brain dead and can't make heads or tails of my thoughts. 

and sometimes when i get here, i do get a little bit of stage fright.  do i share?  will i be judged?  do i sound spoiled complaining about xyz?  there are people who would love to have the privilege to complain about xyz.

and then i think, screw it.  i will write what i want, and people can chose to read.  but by then... i am tired, and my groove is gone.

so... friends.  i leave you with this one thing.  something that i have heard, but i am watching unfold before my eyes.  the older they get, the more your kids need you.  total truth.  i thought, how on earth??  but i am finding, if i want to grow them well, they need me now more than ever.

xoxo, s