however, i am thankful for my bathtub. but its more of a love/hate relationship.
you see, it is not the biggest. i have to lay diagonally for the best fit.
our water heater {which i think is dying, btw} will only provide hot water for a quarter of it in the winter {now, in the summer, i don't think we really have cold water available in the pipes...} and it is enamel... so it cools the water down quickly. so bath time means i have to constantly fill up the tub in increments. to match the water heater's pace.
it is an eyesore. it desperately needs re-caulking. the faucet and knobs are off-center from the drain. there are cracks in the tile.
it is ugly.
it has no ledge on any side to hold a candle. or a shampoo bottle. or bath salts. i have to set those things on the closed toliet lid.
but it is mine. {i mean, mine and the other people who live here.}
and after not having a tub for four years in college {collins -- ewww. no one used that tub!!; apartment number 1 - my bathroom had only a shower. apartment number 2 - my bathroom had only a shower and sometimes i wore flip-flops because it was that bad.}
i was pleased with it when i moved into this house. yes, i haven't yet moved yet.
and though i continue to have tub lust... i am satisfied and grateful for mine.
it is where i get to do a lot of thinking. maybe you do that, too? think in the shower? the bathtub?
well, i do. and i was thinking about how i am still sick.
yes, still sick. and how much it sucks. i mean, really, really, really, sucks. for my family. for me. i could spiral down in my own pity party if i am not careful.
and i was praying... and meditating on how to pray when i am sick. praying for healing... yes. but it didn't seem right. i believe that god is good. that he is faithful. that he works all things for his good. sooo... it didn't seem right to complain to god about his plan.
and then - it hit me.
god, please help me trust the plan. that was all i needed to pray. i need to trust him to help me get through being sick. i need to trust his plan. because i believe he is good.
and then, this humbling feeling washed over me. i need help trusting the plan. with everything. my kids. where we will live. money. schools. jobs. life. i need to trust the plan. and pray for grace and mercy.
and maybe you do, too. i hope you all have a wonderful start to your week.
xoxo, s
Stephanie. First a confession, I have been stalking/following your blog since you first started writing several years back...to sound less creepy though, your sis was the one to introduce me to it, saying in the way only Rachel can, "you have to check out my sister's blog so you can see all the precious photos of my nephew!" And considering your sister and I were roomies at Baylor for 2 years, I feel like I know you and the family, even though I think you and I have only met once.
ReplyDeleteI had to finally come out of hiding today because your prayer is exactly what I needed to hear. We have had a bunch of changes in the past three months, moving to a different city, graduating from grad school etc. and it's been truly overwhelming. I have been at a loss of what exactly I'm feeling and how to articulate it in prayer, and your words were verbatim what I needed to hear. So all that to say...Thanks for the inspiration! It is a great way to start my Monday and the season of lent. Blessings to you and the family, and hopefully we will get to "re-meet" each other down the line!
Katie "Ferguson" Murray
katie! thank you for reading! really and truly, your comment made my day! and i don't think it is creepy at all that you stalked my blog {if i had a dime for every blog i read of people who don't know me!! i would have a much nicer bathtub by now :) }
ReplyDeletei am so glad that you heard something through my blog -- how humbling! thank you. surrendering to the plan has been such a hard, HARD thing for me to believe - not in my head - but in my heart. sooo hard. i hope that all your changes work out well and that you have peace about everything!
take care and yes - would love to see you again!
xoxo, s
I could not agree with you more!!! I realized this while trying to get pregnant and it really helped me through some rough times. It's good to be reminded every once in awhile though.
ReplyDeleteSteph,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to say hey. Hope you have been doing well. All I can say is I am sure you guys will get to plan the bathroom of your dreams soon enough. Just means you will enjoy it that much more...
Talk to you soon.
Nick
Whitney - yes -- SUCH a hard concept. daily struggle to hand over my perceived "control"
ReplyDeleteNick - thanks for the comment - yes... one day... :) and we have GOT TO GET TOGETHER. you have a baby that isn't a baby anymore, and i haven't gotten to snuggle him!!!!
what's that verse....??? "do not worry about tomorrow.... each day has enough worries of it's own?" :) i know it's so hard when there are so many unknowns... believe me, i know. but nevertheless you are right HE is good. and HE will provide all of your needs. HE is sufficient. And Stephanie, He will give you way more than you ever thought you needed. What you think you need may not be what He KNOWS you need... and one day you'll wake up and think 'wow.... i never knew i needed that but He was right, I did!'. It's amazing. I'm sure you already have days like that... but I just wanted to encourage you to keep truckin' girl.
ReplyDeleteI realized yesterday that I keep holding off on 'getting settled into a routine' until our life 'returns' to normal. And you know what? This IS our normal. It may be new and different but until God calls us out of this place, I'm here. And His timing is never ours - so who am I to say that in four months I'll know more about where we'll be in six months? Right?
Anyway. Just thought that realization would maybe bless you in some small way. God could tell you everything He has planned tomorrow - but then you {we} wouldn't have to trust Him, huh? Hmmm.... it's weird how He works things like that. Sometimes I wish He'd just move on to teaching me a different lesson. :)
Much love to you and your sweet fam.