a fraction of what we've been doing

i am basking in the glow of long over-due snuggling a friends new baby after a chickfila playdate.  and i am listening to one of my children fight a desperate need for a nap.  the other is sound asleep.

and i am putting the finishing touches on a very large and complex event i am coordinating on saturday.  and i am thankful for god's provision to give me this event.  and the financial compensation for it to coincide with the change of our volvo's timing belt.  sometimes stars align like that.

and i am grateful.

i feel like i write less and less about my children for fear that it would be taken wrongly.  like i am bragging or something.  which it definitely isn't intended to be.  and you know what?  doing things out of fear is the wrong way to live.  absolutely an energy suck.  "what would people think?" "would they think i am boasting?"  "do i sound like i am bragging?"

you know what?  so what.  i am proud of my children as any mother should be.

so i am super proud that ethan memorized the lord's prayer in less than a week.  and savannah has almost memorized it.  i need to find more things for them to memorize.  clearly its a better use of brain space than all the theme songs to tv shows.

and savannah is a smart little stinker.  today i told her she was acting like a monkey and she looked at me and told me that she is not a monkey; she is a human.

well then.

and ethan is building a very detailed, difficult lego house ALL BY HIMSELF.  as in, i don't help at all.

which also means that we have all of our legos out.  but i don't really mind.  as long as i don't step on any barefoot. 

more later.  so much to share, so little time.

xoxo, s

basically, if i give it my all, it's tough :)

hmmm.... first off, this is not a post about ethan's birthday party.  at our tae kwon do studio... ninja turtle themed.... i just wanted to post these.  i did absolutely nothing to make this party a complete success (reserve the space?  i mean, a padded room, a bunch of kids, two party leaders and cake.  e a s y)  well... i did make 40 ninja turtle masks.  and i did at the last minute find a replacement cake.  so not completely effortless.  but close :)  totally the way to do it.  

anyway, the real post.

today at yoga, the instructor droned on about setting our intentions.  and living with intentions.  she talked about how hard it was... how it makes all the difference.

well, no joke.

i've been struggling to do it everyday now... probably going on 3 years.  since before i had savannah.  it's tiresome.  rewarding, but so tiresome.  being intentional with my children, my husband, my job as our home-maker, myself and how i treat my body, my food choices.

why does she look so old??

it will wear a girl out.  and i still fall flat on my face and fail all the time.  all.  the.  time.


and occasionally, i get skewed one way in the intention category.  skewed far away from myself.  and occasionally, i look in the mirror, and i think, "hello, stranger."

its not just me, other moms do this too. and i'm only sane because i know i am not alone.

check out the mask... i have leftovers... want them?  

hate to throw perfectly good ninja turtle masks out... :)

but i desperately need margins.  i know that everyone needs different sized margins, but for some reason i think i desire extra large margins.  and it should come as no surprise (it is my fifth season of spring at our preschool) that the fine folks at our preschool have a way of shrinking the weeks down into nothing.  holidays.  conference days.  spring break days.  staff development days.  god forbid you have a sick day or a snow day in the mix.  don't get me even a teensy bit started on what a rip off that is.    sheesh! 

so, my children have school from 9 to noon.  we drop off and pick up outside the classroom door.  it means i have roughly 2.5 hours, twice a week where they are both taken care of and loved on by sweet teachers.

5 hours, people.

and i am being intentional.

and i have a need for wide margins.

so that's why i sometimes ditch hours of sleep for hours of late night solitude.  i can read.  i can sit.  i can just "be." and here is the best part, it's in the quiet.

please tell me you sacrifice your sleep for this worthy cause, too?  and then, please tell me how you cope with being intentional while you are so tired the next day.

ethan was intense with the cake.  
possibly because they aren't getting refined sugar too often these days.  #yikesiamoneofthosemoms

 

savannah was too.  she had more than one piece... that child...

i am sure you are wondering at this point if i am of sound mind to homeschool next year.  this is were i have to tell my self to not be afraid.  and to believe that it will be like this year, just with really REALLY intentional lessons.

and probably less house cleaning, if that is even possible.

oh boy.  i need to go bury my head in the sand because we are leaving in less than six months.

xoxo, s 

pathetic

life is swirling by me...  and i am writing none of it down.  and that is pathetic. 

insert extreme mom guilt.

but you know what?  it is okay.  because i am trying again.  and that's what you do when you want to keep moving forward.  you get up, you try again.

so... did i even do a proper christmas recap post?  no?  hahahha.  not surprising.  to fully recap at this point is downright silly.  so here is the short of it:  santa gave savannah a dollhouse.  she loves it.  ethan got a pellet gun.  he's "killed" a rabbit.  that we ate.  and it was good (really!).  and i let go of my desire for beauty and perfection with christmas and it was very nice.

there is something to be said about honestly embracing the season of life in which we are living.  which means giving up yearning for beautiful matching stockings and gorgeous live garlands.  it ain't gonna happen for a couple more years.  period.  and that is a-okay.

so for january... i did a lot of january things:   survive the flu.  clean up my diet.  work out a lot.  wear heavy jackets and shorts in the same week.  have a birthday party for ethan.  have our internet repaired -- again.  make a pilgrimage to ikea for organization containers.  make multiple trips to goodwill.  

and then there are things we haven't done because this is our last year here -- like plan a garden.  and for this i am sad. 

and then there are things that i wanted to do in january that i will pathetically try to implement in february:  my cleaning schedule.  more intentional "lesson time" with my kids.  waking up early.  going to be early.  reading quality literature to myself.  the kids.

living an intentional life is brutally hard.  and completely rewarding.  and my goal is to document it here.  our food.  our life.  our move.  creativity.  friendship.  hardship.

cheers to february. 

xoxo, s