a little confession

i still haven't gotten the hang of the new blogger yet.  which, isn't a good thing, because it makes me blog less.  it's much harder to hammer out a quick blog post when the buttons aren't in their normal spots.  and when ethan never naps.  and when i hear my house scream my name to clean, cook, iron.

i want to blog about things that are heavy on my heart.  and then i sit down in front of the computer and the words don't flow out very well.  i don't do my thoughts justice.  i want to talk about things that make me feel vulnerable, but i am hesitant to share them.  i don't feel like everything i think is very mainstream anymore.  and that makes me steer away from sharing.  i don't want to be judged. 


but when i think of it that way, it is very convicting.  if there is anything i have learned about myself lately, it is that seeking validation from anything but the lord will leave me feeling disappointed and will not satisfy me.  no matter how much or little outside validation i receive.  so truthfully, i should just put it all out there.  i'm not trying to earn affection from anyone.

and really, when i read blogs where friends share their hearts, i feel like they speak to me.  and your feedback has continually been positive when i open up... so i can't quite figure out my problem.  :)  maybe i would feel better if all the people that sitemeter tell me come here would click on the follow my blog button on right hand column... :)  i know you are out there, people.  i just don't know who you are!

okay.  whew.  confession off my chest.

we had a nice, very relaxed mother's day.  my sister in law hosted us for lunch and these were on the menu.  have you seen them on pinterest?  maybe you should pin them and make them because i could have eaten way more than the 3 or 4 that i did.  i held back.  who would have thought that the recipe would have been from sam's club?  i thought it was way more sophisticated than that!  don't be surprised if i end up making them just for our family this week... i think i will add the optional bacon in, too.  you know, just to be healthy.

the entire day was very relaxed.  i stayed in bed and drank coffee.  we skipped church.  i read frommers on san diego and simultaneously was excited and a nervous.

ethan gave me his gift on friday.  he was so proud of it.  i cried.  there are no words that describe how sweet it is to see my little baby giving something to me.  his excitement.  truly priceless.

i cleared out costco's potted plants for mother's day gifts and teacher gifts.  if you aren't buying your plants at costco, you should be.  wow.  the value. is. unbelievable.

and my mom is coming tomorrow.  :) she gets to spend time with the kids; i get to go to the dentist.  not quite a win/win, but close, right?  ethan has been asking me every morning, "is it thursday yet??"  this makes me fearful of how they will cope with living halfway across the country.  oh my.

in fact, i am a bit on the totally freaked out side of moving to la jolla.  i mean, on one hand, wow.  such a cool, vacation destination.  on the other hand, i can not wrap my mind around how pricey that part of the world is.  i keep telling myself it will work out.  but i tune myself out sometimes...  i think if i didn't have to worry about preschool waitlists, i might be a little more chill.  who knows.  i seem to always find something to obsess over.  its my negative nature.  

in the meantime, i am trying to enjoy now.  focus on my kids in the now.  we had a pretty good day last week:  perfect trip to the zoo, fantastic day, everyone was in the best moods.

the now is pretty wonderful.

xoxo, s